This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
