Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
