I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
