It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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