Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
