Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're too hungover to prance.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize