at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
