If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
a search helicopter?!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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