You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i drank out of a bidet.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
