Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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