God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
there's paper in my vomit.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
