You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
