It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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