I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
