Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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