yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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