So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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