No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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