The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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