We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
