There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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