TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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