I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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