I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
