in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
