He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
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That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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