every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
