We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
