I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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