No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
