Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
