I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
