I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
zippers are such a cool invention
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
