ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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