she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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