Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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