Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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