I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
