you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
