Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
