At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
