I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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