Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
