At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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