We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
