I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
