I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
