Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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