I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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