I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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