time to smoke my breakfast
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
