Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
