Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
