): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
