And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
