he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
