This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
