Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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