she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
