Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
