Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
