Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
