just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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