I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
