I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
