i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
