I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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