If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning